Brown wedding checklist - Quick Guide For Stress-Free Planning

I have written an article on wedding checklist. Click here to check it out. While most of the items will be common there are some unique elements for brown weddings which I am highlighting here.

Who’s in charge - couples vs the parents?

This is one of the key differences between a gora wedding and a brown wedding. In a gora wedding, couple is in charge, they make all the decisions and they spend all the money. The last point is the key. In a typical brown wedding, parents shell out majority of the dough and hence they are major stakeholders in the wedding decisions.  While bride and groom are consulted in everything, final decisions are mostly taken by the parents.

Finances

This can get very complicated. You don’t know what is being paid by the bride’s parents vs the groom’s parents or the couple themselves. What complicated the matter more is that desi culture isn’t very open about discussing such things. Lot of things are riding on assumptions. One main reason for that is ego. No one wants to back down from owing an expense even if deep down they feel the burden of the wedding expenses. If direct communication is an issue then one solution is to get things clarified via the couple. But do get them clarified so that there are no issues post wedding.

Guest count

This is another important differentiator. While gora weddings are for the bride and groom. The couple chooses to invite family and their closest friends. That’s why headcount is usually under 50. On the other hand, culturally, brown weddings are mainly for the parents. Usually the breakup of guests is as follows 15% are family, 70% are friends of parents (even their children are invited) another 5% are friends of siblings. Only 10% are actual friends of bride and groom. Typical headcount is somewhere north of 300. On an average there are about 400-600 guests. The point here is that when you start budgeting for your wedding then do keep this in mind. Btw this is one reason a lot of brown couples have now resorted to destination weddings. Flying out with a handful of relatives to some remote island is still much cheaper than an average brown wedding in your own town. So think about it when you are getting married.

Number of events

This can get a bit out of hand, especially if you’re getting married back home. Pre-wedding events start up to a month before the wedding. Each “chacha” (uncle) or “khala” (aunt) will likely have one “dholak” event at their house. For Hindu/Sikh/Muslim weddings there can be at least 2-3 official events at a hall. Some weddings in North America have become slightly shorter. Instead of having multiple events, they have their religious ceremony at the gurdwara, mandir or mosque. It is followed by only 1 combined reception at the hall. This saves time and huge amount of money. Think about it, be savvy and save money which you can put to better use.

“Chat mangni pat byah” (Quick engagement followed by even quicker wedding)

Brown people will understand this one. Parents get worried if the engagement is stretched too long. They want to seal the deal sooner than later.  That’s why parents will force couples to get married within 3-6 months of their engagement. There goes all your wedding planning. Now you’re rushing to arrange everything is 3-6 months. If you’re a vendor who deals with brown weddings you know exactly what I’m talking about. How many times we have had inquires that our daughter or son is getting married next month. Hell I have had people call me that our daughter or son is getting married next week, are you available!!!

Photographer and videographer

This is one area where I’ve seen that couples are usually in charge. They hunt the photographer and videographer. And they are the ones making joint decision on this one. While you can hire any photographer and videographer to cover brown weddings, I recommend hiring one that has already done multiple brown events. They would know all the intricate details of brown weddings, some of which are very critical. Another important point is skin tones. Gora weddings are easier to shoot and edit due to their light skin. Brown weddings require more skill in editing department. Another point to note is that 1 photographer won’t be able to cover a 600 guest wedding. Most of the times you will require a main photographer and an assistant photographer. In other words hire a brown photographer and videographer :)

Hair & Makeup

Same thing as above point. You would need a desi Hair & Makeup artist as they understand the skin tones better.

Mehndi wali

This is an interesting one. Most mehndi walis don’t have a website. They operate mainly on word of mouth. Thanks to Instagram they now have an avenue to show their work. But since Instagram search sucks so finding the right mehndi wali is still dependant on word of mouth.

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